I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize