So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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