A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
