some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She told me I should be a condom model.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
