Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why is there bacon in the couch?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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