all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The ass gains better be worth it
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