***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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