maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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