Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
