____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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