Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
