My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
