Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
