so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize