i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
