How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
