i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
