I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
