You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Acid is not a monday night drug
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
