Are we in a gay sports bar?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize