Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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