i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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