So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize