Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
