i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
