Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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