i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
