I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
His nipple licking is glorious
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