break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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