i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
