if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
