I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
