I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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