I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
