yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
