Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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