omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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