remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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