maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
