You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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