i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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