maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
