People in love make me want to vomit
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize