I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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