Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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