I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
