I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
