I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
