so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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