i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This toilet bowl is my home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
