i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize