at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
