After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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