Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
