also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
