Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
