It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize