Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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