And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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