im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
