You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
