GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
