At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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