i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thank you for not boning my boss.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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