having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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