If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
