Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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