Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
