2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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