apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize