i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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