Swine flu. Run for my life!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
