lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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