i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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