Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
