Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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