Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She bit a glass in half.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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