omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
