Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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