we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you had me at cake vodka
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
