does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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