I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
