Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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