Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
