He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
