Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
