So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
