think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The power of my boobs compel you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
