I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
