i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
