i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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