So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
