I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
