as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
