So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
