I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I want to have your abortion
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
