Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
