i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
