I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
