oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
