Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
People in love make me want to vomit
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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