I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone owes me an orgasm
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
