this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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