How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
