so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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