I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
