Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
