at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
