We tried having a conversation with our noses.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
