You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
