I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think my moral compass just broke
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
