you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
MIDGETS
????
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
