I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
