Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
