the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize